Sunday, June 11, 2006

The Gym Psychosis

For those of you who have never seen the inside of the gym, I have, other than sympathy, a brief account of possible interest. There are certain environments where some GASBs (Generally Acceptable Social Behavior) are suspended. Consider civlility and parliament; punctuality and meetings; politeness and Delhi roads; humility and the gym.

The average gym user suffers from a psychosis whereby the current status of physical dimensions is always unsatisfactory. One effect of this psychosis is a nervous surreptious posturing before the nearest reflective surface. This activity is partly for assurance that the gut didn't expand while you were not looking. And partly, for discharge of a narcissistic charge that builds up while one sits in a 6'-6' cubicle for ten hours. This latter effect is more prevalent in the regular gym users in our office.

Yesterday, in the office gym, whilst I was meditating upon which exercise would be most benefecial to the pectorals, there sounded a vicious wailing. Since the only other person in the room appeared not to have heard it, I wondered if the gym psychosis had worsened to aural hallucinations. I was reassured by the unflappable gent on the treadmill that it was merely the UPS screaming for attention. The wailing kept up, until the ears adjusted to the strain and reduced it to ambient noise. After years of push-ups, chin-ups and sit-ups, yesterday, I did my first set of ear-UPS.

1 comment:

Ashok said...

well put..might i mention that the decibel levels of the guttural and primeval war cries uttered by some of the more enthusiastic gents in the gym are in direct proportion to the assumed gap between their desired bicep size and actual bicep size. I have also noticed that the muscular effort required to lift the dumbbell for the 9th and 10th time is usually replaced with the vocal effort described above. It is almost as if the mind consoles itself thus - "so what if i cant finish this set by the use of my gluteus maximus muscles. The laryngeal effort should distract the rest of the gym members from observing my inability to finish rep 9 and 10"